Introduction

I was born and raised in the Democratic Republic of Congo. In Goma, a city in the eastern part of the country, known for its fresh and affordable food and friendly weather.

I grew up in a neighborhood in Goma where we enjoyed playing outside, not only with my siblings but also with neighbors who were mostly age mates. My friends and I all had older siblings who looked over us and kept us from doing silly things. As you know, being silly is not something you teach children! They were effortlessly born for it. Well, growing up, there is something I did not realize! Although my age was advancing, some of my silly practices did not depart as my body changed. I would still think that it was acceptable to scream when I did not receive something that I wanted. At some point, this became exasperating to both my parents and my older siblings, who started repeating to me,” Grow up!”

I bet most of us have encountered a similar situation: where you are either telling someone to grow up or you’re the one being told to grow up. This is due to the behavior not matching the physical appearance or age.

Growing up means not throwing tantrums when you want something but clearly articulating your needs. Adulting 101 teaches us to move from being demanders to providers.

Naturally, even when we do not want it, our bodies change. We change in height and, at times, shape. Our appearance changes; wrinkles start appearing on our faces. We go from crawling to standing to walking and running, then slow down again and lose our agility.

I am in my early thirties. A big part of my beard has started turning gray without me calling for it.  The young boy who amazed people by doing certain things at a fairly young age is now perceived as normal because that’s what grownups do.

You know what? The things that are the most obvious are also not as obvious. Growing up comes with accepting responsibility for our actions – this is obvious, right? But it is also obvious that many will not take that responsibility!

Physical growth is automatic! Every other growth is not! It requires INTENTIONALITY!

Try to close your eyes for a moment, oops I forgot that if you closed them, you wouldn’t be able to read this! Please open your eyes and picture a coworker/friend/coworker/sibling, or yourself doing things for which lovers of personal growth and development will tell you: GROW UP!

You can achieve so much! However, to reach your highest potential, you have to grow and develop yourself, your abilities, and your capacities.

How can you and I grow? You might ask! I will suggest three practices that help us grow from a meaningless living to a purposeful impact.

1. To Grow, you must clearly DEFINE the results

It looks strange, but unlike physical growth, personal growth requires you to begin with the end in mind, as the renowned author Steven Covey explains in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Craig Groeschel, a renowned author and speaker, said: “You cannot defeat what you do not define.” Therefore, it is important for you to define what you want to become or the growth you would like to experience.

You need to move from a broad definition such as “I want to get in better shape” to “I want to lose 10 kilograms by December 2024.” Or move from “I want to be a better spouse” to “I want to be a better spouse by setting aside 20 minutes of uninterrupted time with my spouse every day.”

The definition of who you want to become should, in some way, dictate the steps you must take to become the person you envision.

A couple of years ago, I decided to grow in one area: Integrity. That’s a broad definition, right? So I defined it this way: this year, I want to be a person of integrity who speaks the truth in love, even when it is uncomfortable (being an introvert, this was big for me), and I will not take any gift from anyone who depends on my decisions so as not to lose my soundness of judgment (I was supervising a construction project).

Clearly, defining the results could be redefined as setting goals! Who/what do you envision? Can you put it on paper in clear terms, with a timeline of achievement?

Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University, suggests that the people who write down their goals are 42% more likely to achieve them. She takes it a notch higher by saying that if you write it down, and tell it to a friend, it increases your likelihood of doing it to 78%. Accountability is key! But this is a discussion for another day!

2. To Grow, you must DISTANCE THE DISTRACTIONS

Do you know what is one the biggest challenges that stands between you and achieving your goals? DISTRACTIONS! Although they can’t hinder your physical growth, they can kill your personal development.

Defining what you must do is as important as defining what you should keep away from in the journey of personal growth and development!

Start with the most obvious distractions, such as your smartphone or gadgets (this was the case for me). Set goals for eliminating distractions, such as not having your phone in your work area or turning off all notifications until you have completed what you have resolved to!

Get away from people, if necessary! Do not allow the things that make you feel good at the moment to keep you from achieving your goals or becoming the person you envision.

3. To Grow, you must FOCUS ON THE PROCESS… Not just the END RESULT!

Guess what one of your greatest enemies is in habit-leadership and personal development? Yesterday’s success!

I have had people who clearly defined the results by saying: I want to read 10 books on leadership by the end of the year. They also distanced the distractions by setting aside 20 minutes daily, away from gadgets and people, to focus on reading. The result was that they had achieved their goal by April of that year. What happened next is that they slacked on the habit/process and waited for the following year to set new goals.

On the other hand, some people missed a day or two in their plan and felt discouraged from continuing with what they had resolved to do. They beat themselves to death and failed miserably.

These aspects are common because they focus on the end result instead of the process leading to who they want to become. According to James Clear, to grow, you must move to embrace an identity rather than a practice. Once you develop the identity, the practice follows through.

To grow, you must move to embrace an identity rather than a practice. James Clear

If I say I am that reader, I will tend to embrace the habit of reading. But if I start with reading without identifying as a reader, struggles become clear.

To wrap this up, physical growth is obvious and automatic. Personal growth is not! To grow, you must clearly define the results, distance distractions, and focus on the process, not just the end product.

Catch you up in the next one!

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